There is one thing most will find consistent in my world. Once they really get to know me, that is. I like cool endings. I don’t like leaving things with friendships that have to end or with intimate relations or with relatives on a negative note.
Even when relations go awry at work or with neighbours, it can be brought to a peaceful close that may even transform into a healthy, long term relationship. I remember working with women who resented me for the position I earned and was awarded. I took their own hostilities in stride but when I left the position a few years later, they were among the first to want to stay in contact. One even hand-made me an exquisite spiral bound journal for my writings as my plan was to pursue my writing more fully (which I did, but that’s another story best told by reviewing my subsequent writing achievements, lol). The point is, there is always room for communication in the orbit I reside in but if others choose not to, I cannot alter that, merely accept it for the loud statement it makes about themselves.
When I left my marriage peacefully, my friends told me how admirable and gracious I had been in the face of things. They still do. One friend’s husband continually tells me how lucky my ex is, compared to the horrible wringer his ex put him through both emotionally and financially. My ex and I remain friends to this day, attending functions where people are often amazed at how well we get along and I have some poignant moments to share on that which I’ll save it for another day. Even the very first relationship out of my marriage, we still talk once in a blue moon but mostly it is him asking for feedback on situations with his daughters or how to proceed in a legal or work situation. Suffice it to say we support one another’s mutual life journeys and have no jealousies or leftover emotions on either part to process.
The third one, well, he dug his heels into displays of very bad manners followed by rudely echoing silence that still baffles me in its obvious levels of inhumane cruelty I did not deserve. Thus, he fully controlled our option of ending it politely. His negative choice. Not my way at all. Silence is the worst and although it was the shortest relationship, it took me longer to get my bearings back because I was so utterly shocked at his rudely abrupt ending to what my friends and I all thought was such a positive, cool beginning.
My favourite song to describe the way I like to leave things with all people on my path of life is this one by Gwen Stefani. You have to watch the video for the full effect. But it aptly sums up the way I left my marriage and my second long relationship out of my marriage.
Even friendships that, due to geography or personal evolution of self and others, find themselves part of the past rather than the future, are always ended as amicably as possible for me. That way, as Gwen sings, “I know we’re cool.”
Here it is, enjoy, I sure am (again and again and again, lol, going there now):