Tags
creative writing, poem, poetry, Publishers, shiver, winter, writing
Life seasons; in winter we shiver
Through shadow scape absent sun
Mighty frost hoars of relationship whither
And two become one.
(c) November 1 2011
JAM
See the inspiration for this post here:
http://jfb57.wordpress.com/2011/10/31/100-word-challenge-for-grown-ups-week-17/
Nicely done. It would be great if you linked up to the actual 100 Word Challenge for Grown Ups. She creates theme weekly, and I find them interesting and challenging all the time. Here’s the link http://jfb57.wordpress.com/2011/10/31/100-word-challenge-for-grown-ups-week-17/
Thanks, Lisa, I will add her link for sure! Glad you enjoyed, you might like to try first fifty words, the link is on my so named page just in case I forget to get over your way soon
Strikingly beautiful! Such elegant simplicity. Lovely work
Smiling on your compliments, thank you! Means a lot coming from someone who writes so well. I am learning from all of you marvelously talented writers and poets. Here is one I think you may enjoy as much I do:
http://auroramorealist.wordpress.com/2011/10/18/gifted-writer/
Thanks so much for visiting my pages
See yours again soon.
Janice, the syntax you use in this poem creates a classical beauty….perfect for the topic.
You flatter me so, I hardly know what to say – all I can think is thank you for your visit and for leaving me with such encouraging compliments!
J, a question. Do you mean ‘whither’ or ‘wither’?
M
Hi, Marie,
I couldn’t decide… kind of both but not at once… I removed the H, then put it back in. I suppose it just depends if you read it while looking at it or not (joking, lol, lol) It would be interesting to know which you thought I meant and which works best for you as a reader if you don’t mind sharing your opinion?
Janice
The trouble is that most of the time I read with my editor’s hat on rather than for my own pleasure. With the ‘h’ it was intriguing, ambiguous, ungrammatical (in keeping with the rest of the poem), implying the homophone, and as all that it worked. On the other hand it risks less awake readers assuming that it is simply a typo. Without the ‘h’ it would lack the former but avoid the latter.
When it comes down to it, it’s your decision as the artist.
M
I like the “whither”… and appreciate your feedback,Marie, thank you for taking the time to reply. I kind of wanted to see if my hunch about your answer was accurate… I also like your editorial eye, it’s all good in my world, learning as I live
Janice
You’re taking on these challenges with style, my friend. Lovely.