This is a topic I’ve talked about before but it seems as hotly current as it was then.
What’s with all the anti-prenuptial agreements?
My guy friends are telling me they don’t want to raise the topic to women of serious interest.
Well, why, I asked? Answer: It’s not very romantic, really, is it when you talking about moving in together or maybe even marrying.
No, it’s not very romantic. But it is very practical in terms of fairness and decency to one another. After all, if as is the case with my guy friends, they are better positioned financially than the women they are involved with, then they have nothing to lose by drawing up a pre-nup. The woman will either say “fine, I love you” and they’ll go forward or…
Maybe that’s what they fear. Maybe they think she will walk if they talk about a pre-nup. My suggestion: Let her.
If a man or woman is involved solely for the money/gains, then better to know then than after living together several years to discover what they really sought in court. Motive always shows up sooner or later so why not have it exposed sooner?
My theory is this: if a man has more than I do, and most do, I could care less. He can keep it. If I am there at all, I’m not there for that, I am there for him. As a fringe benefit of being with him, I get to enjoy every thing he owns, does, etc right along with him so a piece of paper wouldn’t change that. And if we split, I don’t want to try to get half of something that was never mine to start with.
As for my friends who fear mentioning pre-nups, lose the fear. How do you know she’ll run at the sign of a pre-nup anyway? You don’t.
How do you know that they won’t come into money somehow from a ground breaking idea, a business, an inheritance or a best-selling book that makes your assets look like pocket change? You don’t. How do you know you won’t drop dead in the next few months and this was to have been the greatest love of your life until then? You don’t.
Skittish men are not attractive. Nor are skittish women. I know of a lonely dentist who has impeded his own desire for a relationship for so long, I think he will die alone and lonely. I also know of a lovely woman who has more money than she needs for three lifetimes, retired and so alone she busy-fies herself all the time with any nonsense just to keep the lonelies at bay because she says, “No, no, no. No man is getting a single penny of my money.” There is a wobble to their being that can be seen a mile away.
It’s a bitter wobble that is so transparent, you feel for them at the same time as you want to crown them (as my mother used to threaten us, still not sure what it means, lol) for what they cannot see for themselves. So toss the apprehension aside and forget about who has what or how many eggs in their basket. Things change. Often when we least expect them to. Give a poor goose or gander a chance to say yay or nay, it just might make more than your day.
They may well be the golden egg you never knew you were going to lay.
(c) JAuroraMorealist November 9 2011
Official and legal information for where you live on common-law, marital law etc is usually easily found online so if you want data that could legally inform you on this matter, it is best you search it out since I make no claim to be anything other than a blogger speaking her mind, I am not a lawyer or in any way involved with the law and securing a lawyer in your own area is your own best resource if you are going to seriously pursue a pre-nup because I am aware that laws vary from region to region and there is no “one size fits all” resource out there on common-law and marital law. Best of luck with your situation, if you are in one and if you are not, best to you as well 
If, on the other hand, private property was in the trashcan of history, where it ought to be…
M
Ah… the great levelling when pedestals crumble… wrote a poem about that years ago, if I can find it, I’ll post it here…what a different world it would be… going to pitch everything I own out now, well not the computer of course, LOL LOL Thanks for your comment, Marie
<- is a Leveller.
We’re a very materialistic society. Until we can collectively see past the material things being the only things of real value, we’ll have the squeamish issues with each other.
On the one hand, a guy being sensitive to the negative feelings of his partner isn’t a bad thing. On the other hand, I’ve come to learn that being honest and letting the chips fall where they may is the best approach in the long run (even if it doesn’t feel so comfortable in the short-run).
Good topic for a post!
There speaks a wise woman, always offering the balances of a situation. It’s true the squeamish issues don’t seem to abate for all our good intentions. Thanks for your feedback, Lorna
Ha…if only I had forsight for a prenep!!! I should have married a Swede…when the marriage doesn’t work…both simply walk away. Nice post. I laughed my ass off at the ending…they may be the golden egg you never knew you were going to lay…ROLMAO
Well… stranger things have happened as the truth always lives to tell… who knows what is ahead of us… some stuff we leave behind is worth it… no matter the price… glad you got a good giggle out of it lol
I’m conflicted. If you’re rolling in it, maybe a pre-nup is the way to go.
But.
There’s a trust issue, don’t you think? I love you, but I don’t trust that you love me and not my money…. I love you but I don’t think this is going to work out…I love you but maybe I don’t know you….
If you think the person you want to marry is capable of stealing your money, why on earth are you marrying them? I know. Situations change, but this still gives me the creeps.
It’s funny because I don’t creep out about it at all. Maybe because I have no hesitation and own nothing of value to write one for myself. It would be simply saying I want to be with him no matter his assets. It’s almost something I would insist on in order to have it all clarified. Funny how we are all different in these matters. Thanks for your feedback, Erin, always love hearing what you have to say. Hope your novel writing is going well, three cheers for pressing on, woman!