My Christmas Wish List …
Well, this is a toughie because I don’t know who could receive this list and make even one of the wishes come true. But I’m going to spout off anyway… who knows, if messages in bottles can make it to distant shores, perhaps the waves of the internet will carry this far enough to matter or make just a tiny difference to someone, somewhere.
1. I wish certain members in my family could believe that I do not write with the unkind intent to hurt anyone. Interpretation belongs to the reader alone. Okay, I’m only human. If I am provoked by nasty or cruel treatment, then I become as a former supervisor who still admires my writing said: “they don’t know what they are poking at.” Please understand, I live to write as I live to breathe. I wish I could temper my reactivity to stay in line with what or who I am dealing with but when it is unrelenting, I still have some moments of failure where I try to right a “perceived wrong” by writing and it never helps, just fans the embers vitriolic. So I guess I wish I had more patience with this type of thing and I wish assuming people everywhere would simply ASK questions before they go off like misdirected fireworks. Working on it.
2. I wish everyone in the world could know love. Pure, sweet, innocent love that supersedes all except the emotion and sentiment itself. I wish this because I believe if everyone really “knew” love, they would no longer be capable of “war.” In my own quiet way, working on it.
3. The photo with this post is of my cousin Lise’s baking a couple of weeks ago. I wish I lived near enough to pop over for tea with all of my favorite people in the world, especially relations who live so far away. And not just for the baking either, though it looks lovely, Lise! Working on it.
4. I wish I could find enough paying writing gigs to just write for my living instead of needing other jobs. Counting my blessings, people, never fear but the local job market does stink for someone with my skill set at the moment and I do love to write. Working on it.
5. I wish I had just one person in my life I could trust. One single person I could tell all my dreams, hopes, secrets to. One person who would keep all of my confidences so safe, everything I shared would die when we did. Shocking family communications and long time friend deceitful behaviours of 2011 have left me wondering if that is ever even possible. What once looked safe in my world is now cloaked in barbed wire I may never make it through again. Working on it.
6. I wish I could stop crying. Wait. I meant, I wish I could cry only tears of joy. They say when you smile your brain releases the same chemicals as if you were actually happy. Smiling as I write this now. It helps. See? Working on it.
7. I wish people were as genuine as I am. One of my sisters says I am naive. Maybe 32 years of marriage cocoons you in some way. Despite working in varied fields including with victims of violence, I don’t seem to have a strong handle on the ill-intended. I tend not to see them coming until I’m already bleeding. Maybe that’s why I was so good at my jobs, I don’t know. My Communications, psychology, conflict resolution and relationship dynamics courses are of no help unless I am among folks who genuinely walk their talk. Working on it.
8. I wish I could learn to move through my life the way my Wise Woman friend Lorna of Lorna’s Voice on my blogroll at bottom right of page, does. With a mind that is as sharp as any Mensa champion, she expounds on life in ways that are so unique, real, moving and haunting that you think you might cry. But you don’t. Because she has a way of arranging language that always leaves me laughing, no matter what. Read her yourself and you’ll see what I mean: http://lornasvoice.wordpress.com/ Meanwhile, I’m working on it.
9. I was thinking of spending Christmas alone. Wait! Before you feel sorry for me, I have done it before. Once. It was really okay. Okay I don’t have any photos or outstanding memories and no gas-producing turkey dinner was mine to be had. But I was perfectly fine. It happens a friend might find herself alone due to husbands unavoidable medical shifts and we may do a couple of days together, checking out Christmas light displays, walking by the sea, watching movies, painting our nails, talking, playing Scrabble (yes the old wooden board game, lol), reading by the fire and popping out for lunch or a drink if and when we please. See? It’s already sounding darn fine, isn’t it? Well, see, even if my friends plans change, mine won’t. A happy Christmas? Working on it.
10. I wish for each of you whatever it is you wish for yourselves, whatever makes you happiest in life, not just at Christmas but always. As for me, well, you know it. Working on it.