Image via Wikipedia
“Let’s Talk” is a very worthwhile initiative for helping anyone struggling with mental health issues. Read more here:
While I’m not a Bell user, I know many are and that there are many other ways we can help with this issue so many stigmatize and want to shove under the carpet as if there is something wrong with those of us who speak out about it.
Check out the site, the good work being done in mental health and thanks for your support, whatever way you choose to give, even simply being kind to a suffering soul is a form of helping.
Last year, after I lost my mother, job, dog, boyfriend of a year to his online dating site addiction, kept passing out due to low blood pressure breaking my nose in three places, etc etc etc, I became suicidal.
Yet, I felt I couldn’t tell. Because people would think me crazy and that would be that for that. Well, as I’ve said a thousand times, I have not lost my intelligence, only my coping skills. Overwhelmed, I just couldn’t see a better way. Thanks to support from people I do not even know, some I have never even met, I am here.
No thanks to a long time friend who I finally got the courage to tell. Her reply: “Oh, I don’t know what to say now that you might commit suicide on me.”
Her obvious insensitivity is indicative of her self-centered way of being in the world, I was always the support person in hers. We are no longer friends.
Another friend who works in health care violated me in the worst way possible shortly thereafter, leaving my psyche in tatters of hurt I never imagined such a trusted friend would cause me. So much for religion and faith and attending mass, it’s all a false front for some deviants.
Lest I lose my train of thought, I want to say that the losses and challenges I was coping with, including getting out of a long time marriage that involved major life transitions, changes financial as well as emotional, living conditions, location, etc, I then suffered the loss of two friends, each spanning roughly two decades.
My supports were dwindling fast. My mind was reeling. This thrust me into a dark depression the like of which I have never known in my life. We all have down periods, I know, but this had a ferocious grip on me that wouldn’t let go. Every time I just made it up out of the black abyss, my fingers clinging to the edge as I struggled to find my footing, another blow, something or someone else taken away from me and nowhere to turn. I barely know where to turn now for obvious reasons, trusted sources of support have treated me in the cruelest fashion known to a suffering person.
Luckily, I had the good sense to find some professional resources who are working with me to get out of this. But I have spent a couple of years in this place now and it’s going to take a lot of work. I am doing it as fast as I can. I’m sick and tired of people who can’t see anything wrong, seeing what you achieve and manage to do in spite of it all (ie: 3 courses last year, etc) that you must be okay, “what could be wrong with you?”
I did not say there was anything wrong with ME. I am saying there is something wrong with insensitive people who have not traversed the blackest road known. Do not judge anyone for you never know when you might be thrust down that road by life events you could never even have imagined.
Mine is compounded because I never gave myself permission. I would look around me and think, well, I’m not good enough, not going fast enough, etc because look what everyone else is achieving, I have to do more, be better, try harder, I’m just not trying hard enough.
Oh, yes. I did. Until I finally realized, I am not “them,” I am “me.” Doing what is right for me instead of others has been a tough lesson, still learning it. In the meantime, I am screaming loudly for all who suffer the darkness and think they may never see light again. There is help available. I found talking about it one of my best healing methods, probably the best so far.
If Clara Hughes can speak out about it, so can I. http://www.theglobeandmail.com/sports/more-sports/clara-hughes-conquers-the-dark-weight-of-depression/article2330524/ Thank you, Clara Hughes for being a bright star on the path to more light for those of us still fighting the good fight daily.
As Leonard Cohen said:
“There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”
May your walk be gentle and may you carry a soft pillow.
PS
Clara Hughes, you rock, woman! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
JAM 08Feb2012
As someone who has traveled that dark road more than once, I’m glad you found your way out and are still here to dazzle us with your words, wisdom and wit. What a nice place the world is with you IN it, my dear. Hugs to you and many applause to you for the bravery it takes to speak up about what you went through. Keep on fighting the good fight!
Ahhhhh. You do my heart good, thank you for being you and sharing, Miranda xo
I know you have probably already received this, but I am bestowing upon you the Candlelighter Award for this post. You rock, lady! (Go to my about page to get the little photo for your blog. It has no rules. Just pass it along.)
You rock, too! Thanks and much love to you xo
Great service you’ve given folks today, J. By sharing your story and the link.
Thanks, Elyse, finally getting the strength to share … nice to see you, see your pages soon
I have a friend that constantly reminds me that everyone has different circumstances, expectations, and abilities. When I get upset that I don’t have a “real” job or that I didn’t do something EVERYONE else could easily do. I have to remind myself I have different circumstances and limitations and the equivalent of what I am achieving may look very different in another person.
Well said! Could not have said this any better. Thank you for adding this summation
Friendship is truly tested through the low times. When you emerge, though you don’t think you will at the time, into the light you then know who is there to confide in and support you no matter what you say. I send you hugs my friend and appreciate your bravery in your writing here. You are wonderful.
Thanks, Christy, we live close enough to one another to meet in the real world and I hope someday we will. The warmth and wisdom you drop here today is much appreciated. Thank you so much for visiting my pages. I know I haven’t been doing much writing others might like to read as of late. But that I can write at all right now is a miracle itself and I write what I must. Appreciating your support greatly and thank you for the compliment. I have been feeling anything but wonderful for a very long time now but it is improving and leaning more to wonderful every day with all the work I am doing to get there and with all your wonderful encouragement. Much love.
Love for your too Aurora. That is right, we are not far from one another! One day that would be nice. My own dark time was not so long ago, and I am working to get my strength back to where I was a long time before that. I am not there yet but I am moving forward. No matter how long it takes for you just keep doing your best to put one foot in front of the other. I understand depression and mine has had anxiety added to it. I will tell you that writing does help and that if you can even find one person to talk to openly that will help you so much. Hugs for you and I will be here for you wherever I can. xx
Hey, Christy, thank you for swinging by again. My writing, once I found my way back to it thanks to a wonderful therapist who specializes in Critical Incident Debriefing, EMDR, etc, had me “writing aloud” and capturing my haikus out of the air (some are on here, posted them last year only because she wrote them down) after being suspended in emotional limbo for over a year, has saved me as has working with her for over a year. So have all of you who have supported me. Talking in safety is correct. A long time friend blew that safety for me in the most heinous manner possible. But let me not go intot that again right now, I want to say I am now working with both therapists, I mean two but soon finished with one. The main one I am working with now is a specialist in Deep Trauma and the work we are doing is already grueling to me mentally but profoundly helpful once I can digest it and employ the skills of “undoing” the mental and emotional damage and “releasing” fully. Anxiety, yes, I know that one as well. At the moment, I am living moment to moment or become overwhelmed by thoughts of what must be done this afternoon, tomorrow, etc. Best to just do what I can right now and not think beyond. So I do. Sometimes that is writing. As you can see from this, lol. Thank you for visiting with your candid share of your own battles. Thank you for your offer and talk away, too, as you need to I’ve always been told I am a very good listener and communicator. We walk together from afar
Thank-you for sharing more of your story with me. Opening up is a great sign of progress! I have heard that I am easy to talk to. The therapists will help you, as will your writing. There will be struggles, don’t get me wrong here, but I will be supporting you along your road to recovery. And recover you will! Hugs to you xx
Hugs back, Christy, it’s a journey I’ve never been on but I’m so glad to be here where I can come back and revisit the page sof my life and all of your encouraging words. Thank you so kindly for your own sharing and support. Looking forward to the recovery, coming out the other side without any “ill” relationships in my life any more. Just putting one foot ahead of the other and pressing on
Much love to you. A lot of sanity can grow out of the death insanity (mostly others) causes. Did I just sound mental?
No. You sounded perfectly sane to me. Does that mean we are mental? Perhaps. Does that mean mental is a bad thing? No. It is something many need to consider when dealing with human beings. So much can be assumed because a “polished, professional exterior” is presented. Presentation isn’t everything, unless, of course, you are presenting me with a gift of love, lol. Thanks for yours today