Sorry, Subscribers, I cannot write right now…

My apologies to my followers because I am not in a position to write much right now. When I am, you will hear from me but for now, here’s another slice of my online dating life or online dating exposed for what it often is. Sadly. But also funny if you don’t invest more than a bit of amusement time to observe human character (or lack thereof, lol). Thanks for reading my pages, everyone. Hope to see you all soon with something of substance to say.

ONLINE DATING DECIPHERED

No baggage = I’m loaded with it. If you don’t believe me just start talking to me online. I’ll prove it in less than three online exchanges.

Must own home = I still live in my mother’s  basement. Run away, run away.

Seeking Kind hearted Woman = Fat Wallet needed, step on that gas pedal right now.

Athletic Body Type = a) I am a coat rack b) If I free Willy I might resemble my pictures c) I wasn’t lying I was just in my twenties d) all of the above *Note: usually a combination of the above

Real Woman Wanted = Must look like Barbie, get regular tans, pedi’s, mani’s, dye hair, must not look your age ever but it’s okay if I lounge around in long john’s with a beer or worse in hand in my dating photo or I am wizened into raisin status  while posting old photos just to get you to meet me

What Do You Women Want = Apparently not YOU.  Resume Freeway speed.

Not interested in anything serious but I could be if the right woman came along = Steer Clear,  with an “unserious” mindset from the start, you know this is a pro dater, the right woman is his dream. Only. What human matches dreams, let them dream on while you drive on past the impossible dream.

Sexy Woman Wanted = Slow to 30K for Double Standards Ahead. (ie: It’s Okay if I pack a keg or two instead of a mere six pack, have jowls that could hold a pair of refridgerators  or cannot carry a reciprocal conversation as well as most primary school children. As long as you are sexy, it doesn’t matter what I look like.) Yes. It does.

Seeking Sincere Woman = You might have to put the car in park long enough to read this one.  Be sure to ask them if they are married. They usually vanish. If they don’t, they pedal onward revealing their lack of insincerity by stating superficial criteria deeming themselves sincerely shallow at worst and a possible coffee when you have nothing better to do to amuse yourself one Saturday night. At best. If that. My best tactic: Drive on.

Must be Slim, Fit or Athletic = I am old, wrinkle-ridden, bald or balding, paunchy or gaunt, and not at all what I looked like when I was in my twenties but demand someone who looks like they still are. Did I mention driving 150kph recently? Well. I just did. Away, far far away :)

There’s ten but so many more… just ran into a woman who wants to write a book about online dating. She was as flaky as pastry. No. Flakier than any pastry I have ever encountered and the sad thing is that, as I walked away from her, I realized there is probably a whole flaky dater market out there who will suck it up and she’ll likely wind up having a best seller long before I will. Hmmmmm… if I could only find a meaningful way to write about all this nonsense that might actually help another. Suggestions welcome here.

Paid money for eharmony (matches were pitiful), Lavalife, Evow and Match.com experiences all so similar… I’m starting to think that I have more chance of lightning striking me than I do of winning the “find a good life mate lottery.” If I knew a programmer talented enough, I’d start my own dating site for genuine, realistic souls who want to journey with same. Too much false persona and prelude time wasted for nothing out there in my opinion. That said, I do know of a couple of online relationships that are still going over a decade later. But I think they were connected on the “cusp” when online dating was brand new and people didn’t wade through “cyber candy” like underwear. Though, judging by some of those guys underwear shots, that’s not even really true, lol.

JAM (c)9Aug2012

16 thoughts on “Sorry, Subscribers, I cannot write right now…

  1. I’ve done match a couple times. And even went on some dates, nothing worked. And did that eHarmony personality profile which took FOREVER only to be told there were no compatible matches. Waste of time

    • Sorry about your spam issue. Hope they solve it soon, glad you have another account to visit me, M :) Just for you:

      She leans against the safe kitchen wall
      The cooker never minds; it no longer glows
      Her tyres, helmet, basket and all
      Steadfast ’til once again she goes.

  2. I like the grocery store idea. Find a man who does his own shopping and you may have a winner! You could set up a table and sell baked goods or lemonade or chances for a date with you. The Girl Scouts do it all the time… ;)

    • What a lovely spin on the Girl Scouts! Witty and wise you are so kind! Thanks for dropping this here. Am considering what kind of lemonade to buy right now. (Of course I don’t know how to cook, lol) Much love, Lorna xo

    • I’m not far past it, but I am better. I think. It doesn’t take much to trigger me, I cannot take ANY abuse from ANY source for ANY reason. My counsellor and I have identified THAT as the primary trigger for full blown stammering, trembling PTSD where I cannot even think straight but actually begin to shut down. From life. From people. From any pain from any source. It’s challenging but onward I press, in the hope to some day have all of this nightmare behind me. Best to you, too, N. If you open an anonymous blog or pen name blog, be sure to let me know :)

Love and peace to you... your thoughts are always welcome here...

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