My apologies to my followers because I am not in a position to write much right now. When I am, you will hear from me but for now, here’s another slice of my online dating life or online dating exposed for what it often is. Sadly. But also funny if you don’t invest more than a bit of amusement time to observe human character (or lack thereof, lol). Thanks for reading my pages, everyone. Hope to see you all soon with something of substance to say.
ONLINE DATING DECIPHERED
No baggage = I’m loaded with it. If you don’t believe me just start talking to me online. I’ll prove it in less than three online exchanges.
Must own home = I still live in my mother’s basement. Run away, run away.
Seeking Kind hearted Woman = Fat Wallet needed, step on that gas pedal right now.
Athletic Body Type = a) I am a coat rack b) If I free Willy I might resemble my pictures c) I wasn’t lying I was just in my twenties d) all of the above *Note: usually a combination of the above
Real Woman Wanted = Must look like Barbie, get regular tans, pedi’s, mani’s, dye hair, must not look your age ever but it’s okay if I lounge around in long john’s with a beer or worse in hand in my dating photo or I am wizened into raisin status while posting old photos just to get you to meet me
What Do You Women Want = Apparently not YOU. Resume Freeway speed.
Not interested in anything serious but I could be if the right woman came along = Steer Clear, with an “unserious” mindset from the start, you know this is a pro dater, the right woman is his dream. Only. What human matches dreams, let them dream on while you drive on past the impossible dream.
Sexy Woman Wanted = Slow to 30K for Double Standards Ahead. (ie: It’s Okay if I pack a keg or two instead of a mere six pack, have jowls that could hold a pair of refridgerators or cannot carry a reciprocal conversation as well as most primary school children. As long as you are sexy, it doesn’t matter what I look like.) Yes. It does.
Seeking Sincere Woman = You might have to put the car in park long enough to read this one. Be sure to ask them if they are married. They usually vanish. If they don’t, they pedal onward revealing their lack of insincerity by stating superficial criteria deeming themselves sincerely shallow at worst and a possible coffee when you have nothing better to do to amuse yourself one Saturday night. At best. If that. My best tactic: Drive on.
Must be Slim, Fit or Athletic = I am old, wrinkle-ridden, bald or balding, paunchy or gaunt, and not at all what I looked like when I was in my twenties but demand someone who looks like they still are. Did I mention driving 150kph recently? Well. I just did. Away, far far away
There’s ten but so many more… just ran into a woman who wants to write a book about online dating. She was as flaky as pastry. No. Flakier than any pastry I have ever encountered and the sad thing is that, as I walked away from her, I realized there is probably a whole flaky dater market out there who will suck it up and she’ll likely wind up having a best seller long before I will. Hmmmmm… if I could only find a meaningful way to write about all this nonsense that might actually help another. Suggestions welcome here.
Paid money for eharmony (matches were pitiful), Lavalife, Evow and Match.com experiences all so similar… I’m starting to think that I have more chance of lightning striking me than I do of winning the “find a good life mate lottery.” If I knew a programmer talented enough, I’d start my own dating site for genuine, realistic souls who want to journey with same. Too much false persona and prelude time wasted for nothing out there in my opinion. That said, I do know of a couple of online relationships that are still going over a decade later. But I think they were connected on the “cusp” when online dating was brand new and people didn’t wade through “cyber candy” like underwear. Though, judging by some of those guys underwear shots, that’s not even really true, lol.