Friendship Defined

What does friendship mean to you?

For me, it means safety and comfort and caring. True friends never judge, invade our space or psyche’s with their own ideas of what we should want/like or need. True friends are there when we need them, supporting our choices even if they don’t agree with them.

True friends never lie nor tell lies to us or themselves to justify anything. They don’t have to. Friends are open and honest enough to know everything and love you anyway They are as transparent as we are, the “genuine” factor always reigning between us. No need for BS or any other lies of any sort.

When I start feeling unsafe in any way with a person, I step away, let them find a new friend. I am not capable of being a friend to anyone I do not feel safe with. Safety can be about giving me my space, respecting my needs even if they don’t understand them. It can also be about truly hearing me and not just interpreting my words to their advantage or agenda.

Safety is paramount. If you offer your hand in friendship and I take it, I feel honored to have made that connection. Where we go from there unfolds as it should and at any point where it feels unsafe for me or disrespectful of me, I jump ship. This is one of my “take away” lessons in the year of trauma counselling. No more unsafe friends for me. Family or otherwise. I don’t judge my friends or do anything to their mental well-being or physical safety and expecting same of them is normal for me. What is normal for you?

When I first heard the following song, I thought it was Sting but it is Gotye, such a good song but admit I’ve never been a big Sting fan, this is good:

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44 thoughts on “Friendship Defined

    • NO KIDDING! That is what was wrong with my last bestie. She had a few knives in her hands. I just missed their glimmer right under my own nose. Well. That’s the lesson. Not all that is what it “seems” is what it “seems.” The clues were there, I just didn’t see them, blamed it on her Catholicism and other things. Truth: She is one ugly stubborn mule who decides to do dirty deeds while telling you and anyone else who will listen: God has a plan. Ohmy. I asked her, If it’s God’s plan, why are YOU orchestrating it??? Of course, no reply. There is none. Stubborn mules with knives in their minds is what I fear. But I’m better at spotting them now xoxoxo

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  3. My best friend of forty years started out as my next-door neigbour, when we were both single parents with a pile of grief behind us. At first, we were so shy of each other and world-weary, that we didn’t have a real conversation for several months. After this, we spent several hours a day with each other over a course of two years and never had an argument. Then I moved house and we’ve stayed in contact ever since, seeing each other most bank holidays, and still we haven’t had an argument. We just pick up our conversations where we left off.

    I don’t trust people who are all over me like a rash when I first meet them. It makes me edgy and suspicious, and leaves me thinking “what do they want?” or “I wonder when the warts are going to start showing”, or “are they really interested in anything I’m saying, or are they using me as a subject upon which to practice social techniques they’ve learnt on a course?”

    In my life, I’ve met some real charlatans, and it’s very much a case of “one-hundred times bitten, two-hundred times shy”.

    • My best friend of 20 years started out as my next-door neighbour crying over the fence about her woes. I went around and hugged her. Little did I know 20 years in the offing she would screw my heart and mind over like no friend before her and hopefully no friend ever will again. In a black twist of betrayal that rivals the movie Fatal Attraction she sold our friendship up the river pretending to be my friend for over a year and then kicked me (yes, “she” kicked me because I told her I’d rather die than do what she did to me, that she is a friendship WHORE) between the legs (literally) over her own crotch she wanted to share and continues to share with my ex. Shudders. The mere thought of pressing my parts where a loving friend’s once were makes me vomit. She is an RN and my ex told me she has martial arts. Go figure. Needless to say, I am having GINORMOUS trust issues with everyone in my world now, suspect of motives and hidden agendas, and was so shocked I had a complete breakdown that lasted two months approximately a year ago. Am still piecing myself back together but it does not help that now both she and my ex abuse me emotionally and mentally. He leaves seething phone messages and she leaves notes around my former home about how to get rid of me, all memories of me, etc. Imagine 35 years with him this year (32 together) and 20 with her. Poof! 52 years! GONE. False. It’s so hard to grasp, I still have days where I want only to stay in bed where no one can hurt me anymore.

      I know what you mean about “sticky” people. You feel “slimed” and like you want to shower them off before you even get home. Well, I do. Loving your last line! So very true. And real. xo

  4. On target with so many points on this one. Some friends like to unload their problems. They’re the ones to reconsider. There are professionals for that. I like to have lunch and shopping outings or theater or movie dates with my friends. It keeps things light. I am a good listener some people can interpret that as a wall for their issues. One must be careful about getting someones elses bad Karma.

    • Ahhhhh. So wise. Yes, there is a line of friendship that can be very fine, indeed. Some shove right over it and you feel yourself growing uncomfortable and this is the first sign to back away. If only I had paid attention to a lot of those first signs. Sigh… ah well, live and learn.

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