ABUSE: Mental or Physical, abuse is still abuse.

A white ribbon to commemorate the National Day...

A white ribbon to commemorate the National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women. Right-to-life Awareness. White Ribbon. فارسی: روبان سفید، نماد بین‌المللی آگاهی و توجه به مبارزه با خشونت علیه زنان است. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Violence against anything or anyone is cruel. I am against violence against women, men, children and animals. Violence may take many forms but it’s usually physical violence that is lethal.

However, I have heard men say such things as, “I did not realize that slamming a door or throwing something was violence” or “I didn’t know that every time I yelled it affected my wife and kids so much they were afraid of me.”  Awareness is growing but it is slow going.

Office on Violence Against Women logo

Office on Violence Against Women logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Last year after leaving a primarily mentally cruel and emotionally violent relationship of many years, I was kicked (considered a lethal offence in Canada) by my former bff who harmed my bladder. For a year following, I could not even sit without discomfort and bled for days after it first happened, me who had a complete hysterectomy Christmas 2007 and not much left except the bladder.  It was her response to my verbal sobbing that I wanted her to leave my former home and that I would rather die than do what she has done to me: emotionally raped me and mentally violated me in ways that are as scarring as if she had cut me or shot me repetitively. You just never know who is capable of violence or what form they may choose to inflict it upon another for their own selfish agenda.

Domestic violence in Spain 1998-2007

Domestic violence in Spain 1998-2007 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Violence takes so many forms world wide and is suffered/endured by men, women, children and animals daily. Let’s all yell and scream together FOREVER if we must to stop ALL of them. If you are experiencing violence of any sort, contact your local crisis line for resources. I did think of listing them here but cannot for all of North America. I have posted a terrific Canadian resource below but any readers please feel free to drop your resource links in a comment.

"North Hampton is a Domestic violence fre...

“North Hampton is a Domestic violence free-zone” (Massachussetts) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

One of my friends in this blogging community, Kim Sisto-Robinson, lost her sister Kay to violence by Kay’s own husband who shot her.

Her site has a lot of great resources: http://myinnerchick.com/help-for-domestic-violence/

Canada: http://www.swc-cfc.gc.ca/dates/vaw-vff/index-eng.html

http://www.transition.ca has this on their pages (what I endured was all of those, some repeatedly)

“Under the Criminal Code of Canada, it is a crime to use force or threat of force against another person or that person’s property without her consent. The crime is called assault and there are three types:

  1. The touching, slapping, kicking and pushing of another person without consent
  2. Assault committed with the use or threatened use of a weapon
  3. Aggravated assault occurs when the victim is wounded or when the life of the victim is placed in danger.

The following examples of wife abuse would come under the assault provisions of the Criminal Code or other laws such as those relating to harassment or destruction of property.

PHYSICAL ABUSE: Slapping, punching, kicking and shoving; using objects such as a belt buckle to beat the victim; use of guns, knives to hurt or kill. It might start with slapping and proceed to use of weapons.

SEXUAL ABUSE: Inflicting pain and injury during forced sexual activities. A 1983 Canadian law makes it a crime for a man to sexually assault his wife or partner.

PSYCHOLOGICAL/ EMOTIONAL ABUSE: Violent threats against the victim and her family and /or children, such as, “If you try to leave, I’ll find you and kill you and then I’ll kill myself’.

ECONOMIC ABUSE: Destruction of her property – photo albums, clothes, family heirlooms and pets. This kind of abuse is also psychological; often the intent is to give the message, “Do what you’re told or the next time it will be you, not your dress!” “

English: Light rays on a fine summers day

English: Light rays on a fine summers day (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My friend Jen at http://www.myraysoflight.com/My_Rays_of_Light_Book.php  says it best:

“I am against violence against women
I am against violence against children
I am against violence against men
I am against violence against animals

Am I just a dreamer?

Or are we all just USED TO LIVING IN A NIGHTMARE??”

Little Girl Statue

Little Girl Statue (Photo credit: SIDwilliams)

This year as the countdown to Christmas is upon us, I hope we are all cognizant of changing the world for the better, “one heart at a time.”

JAM (c) 6Dec2012

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30 thoughts on “ABUSE: Mental or Physical, abuse is still abuse.

    • Thanks, Elyse, appreciate your compassionate heart and that you took time to say this. So many need support to get out and keep out but so many ridicule those trapped without knowing what they judge unless they have lived it themselves.

  1. My dad often says things like “If I knew then what I know now I would have never yelled so much yada yada yada” not sure if he means it since he still loses his temper but I immediately thought of it when reading your first couple lines.

    • At least his awareness of his yelling has increased… not defending it… just saying so many don’t even have an awareness of their wrongdoing, just live in denial with the insidious patterns bestowed upon them from generation to generation… it’s crazy. Glad you added your voice here today, MM :)

  2. I believe that statism – the primacy of a nation at the expense of its citizens – is violence. I believe that national self-interest is violence. I believe that capitalism is violence. I believe that any concentration of power (political, ethnic, social, economic) is violence. I believe that institutions and hierarchies are inherently violent. I believe all these things are violent because they enforce inequality.

    Personal violence is not necessarily the same as anger. Suppressing anger, suppressing the expression of anger can be very dangerous psychologically. It’s easy to stigmatise the raising of the voice as being ‘violent’ and thereby effectively silence an expression of a sincere emotion and thereby demonise the person expressing it; there must be a way of expressing such things safely and with honesty. Being able to express anger safely is essential in dealing with the situation which gave rise to it. I stress ‘safely’. Anger must be manageable.

    All of the above is general. None of it is specific to you or to your former situation, which was appalling and unacceptable.

    M

    • Loving the way you ride, Marie. Always appreciate you dropping your wisdom and intelligent opinions on my pages. Again, you have said some things I failed to articulate and agree, inequality or imbalance of any sort is control and therefore violent. Systemic control is rampant and inherent violence can be seen not only in institutions and hierarchies but families and social groups. Bullying is a form of violence in my world. Safe expression, safe “being,” period, is so important and a wonderful gift we can all give one another but many CHOOSE not to. Healthy dynamics provide that safety but the problems arise when not all of us exercise healthy dynamics in our relations… only today I was “told” who I am and not asked a single question or given an iota of credit for all the positive I do/have done/am still doing… by what/who else… another so-called man… I know none of what you say is specific to me or my situation. But I thank you for your qualifying closing statement since all too often misinterpretation creates misplaced anger that leads to misguided conclusions/assumptions that lead to even more “violence” toward others… Thanks again, M, feel free to pedal through my pages any time :)

  3. Yesterday evening we went to do a bit of pre-Christmas shopping. Nice time with the normal abnormal delay in deciding what to buy. We finally got back to the underground car park, As as we got to our car a man started shouting at his wife/partner/victim who was manouvering their car out of a space. “Your thick you stupid bitch etc etc”. I felt a horrid sick feeling come over me and started to walk over and intervene. My partner stopped me, worrying possibly that the guy might hit me. In the end Ihey drove off together as we sat in the car watching them. Why should that women live in such an emotionally threatening environment. The incident darkened my whole evening. Even now I wonder if I would have done any good by intervening.

    • Peter, thank you so much for stopping by and sharing this. I cannot tell you what would be right or wrong. We all must do what is right for us. As one who has intervened in a verbal abuse situation, I have then been verbally attacked by both. Calling the police is an option too but where we have only witnessed verbal abuse, they aren’t likely to bother attending. I suspect we would all call the police if we witnessed physical violence and fully relate to the way such things can darken the human spirit, even those who are not living in it but are moved/hurt by witnessing it. A friend (or so I thought) asked me “why did you stay so long if it was so bad” and I told him, “His behaviour was and is NOT my fault. You have no right to revictimize me by blaming me for staying. You sound like the attending police now. You are deciding something about ME without knowing anything at all of what I endured. That’s like me saying it’s your own fault you were in a bad car accident.” Will be avoiding that “friend” in the future.

  4. hello, beautiful blog! my friend Mike Cerveni is a musician from ontario and currently working on a project against domestic violence and a song called What would you do all about it , due to be released on his second cd release…. you can check him out, he’s a hero and gift musician….so young and fighting. Also, he lost his mom to cancer not long ago..

  5. Here’s to peace and only hurting others within the realm of LalaLand. You know people will hurt people and it’s survivors such as yourself who will be examples that the best revenge is living well. I think Lizzie Cracked, a Crazy Chick Member, said that! :)

  6. I hesitated to click on the “Like” button becasue the subject is something I do not like. Your message is what I do like. This is very painful to me. It always brings back sad memories when I read about violence of any kind. I was that little girl in the image. Just seeing it brought tears and horrifying memories back to me. You never forget. You heal but the scars are always there. Sometimes, the scabs are ripped open when stories are read or images are seen whether in a movie or in real life. To this day anyone with a loud voice makes me shudder. Fortunately, I was sent a saviour to help me feel something I never imagined I could feel “LOVE”. This poem below was my way of ‘Thanking” him.
    namaste ..
    Izzy

    http://insidethemindofisadora.wordpress.com/2011/11/19/i-will-not-tell/

    • You are so right. You move on but you never forget. Certain things can trigger the memory(s). So glad you were brave enough to tell. That’s how we get to the light. I am so sorry my words triggered your mind but I am so grateful you turned it around for yourself, Izzy. That’s the money shot for all of us who have walked this road. Glad you are with me on mine, sisterfriend <3 <3 <3

Love and peace to you... your thoughts are always welcome here...

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