Three times I meant to donate something and put a dove on the tree.
Three times I welled up so much I couldn’t speak and thus, failed.
Today I did it.
My Christmas gift to myself was the twenty dollars I put in that I don’t really have. But I wanted to remember my Mom, my Mum and my Dad.
In writing their names on white doves, I spoke with a woman at length, or rather she spoke to me of Elizabeth Kubler Ross’s beautiful works on grief and loss. She was surprised I was familiar with them but I was surprised to be able to choose a permanent keepsake. Anyone who donates 20 dollars or more gets to choose one hand made wood bird ornament. I chose a pink dove with jewel eyes and decorated wings.
My heart is quieter and I am enjoying the fact that I got up the moxy to do it. I cried alright but that lady made it safe for me. I shared some of my stories of my people. She gets it.
When I went to mail some more Christmas cards, I cried again as I put some in the post that I know I may not be able to send next year for those people may no longer be here. It was such a heart wrenching feeling. As I walked out of the store where the post office is, a woman who works there and is familiar with me, asked if I was alright. I told her what I just wrote here. She said she gets it.
A woman at the cash register told me the story of her sister she lost to cancer and tears started down her face. I get her. We all got each other.
What beautiful, poignant and memorable experiences to share with women who don’t even know one another’s names.
I love, love, love my sister women.
I love, love, love that my three doves are on that tree. From now until after Christmas everyone will see Mom (then her name), Dad (his name below), Mum (her name below).
Little wavy love lines will go out to them and me when people read them just as I sent when reading all the others names on the tree today. So many of us face Christmas without someone we love and miss and likely always will.
Cyber hugs going out big time … here are some lyrics from a song dad used to sing:
on the wings of a snow white dove,
I send my pure sweet love,
from skies up above,
on the wings of a dove…