Guess what I finally did…

ImageThree times I walked by the hospice tree in the mall.

Three times I meant to donate something and put a dove on the tree.

Three times I welled up so much I couldn’t speak and thus, failed.

Today I did it.

My Christmas gift to myself was the twenty dollars I put in that I don’t really have. But I wanted to remember my Mom, my Mum and my Dad.

In writing their names on white doves, I spoke with a woman at length, or rather she spoke to me of Elizabeth Kubler Ross’s beautiful works on grief and loss. She was surprised I was familiar with them but I was surprised to be able to choose a permanent keepsake. Anyone who donates 20 dollars or more gets to choose one hand made wood bird ornament. I chose a pink dove with jewel eyes and decorated wings.

My heart is quieter and I am enjoying the fact that I got up the moxy to do it. I cried alright but that lady made it safe for me. I shared some of my stories of my people. She gets it.

When I went to mail some more Christmas cards, I cried again as I put some in the post that I know I may not be able to send next year for those people may no longer be here. It was such a heart wrenching feeling. As I walked out of the store where the post office is, a woman who works there and is familiar with me, asked if I was alright. I told her what I just wrote here. She said she gets it.

A woman at the cash register told me the story of her sister she lost to cancer and tears started down her face. I get her. We all got each other.

What beautiful, poignant and memorable experiences to share with women who don’t even know one another’s names.

I love, love, love my sister women.

I love, love, love that my three doves are on that tree. From now until after Christmas everyone will see Mom (then her name), Dad (his name below), Mum (her name below).

Little wavy love lines will go out to them and me when people read them just as I sent when reading all the others names on the tree today. So many of us face Christmas without someone we love and miss and likely always will.

Cyber hugs going out big time … here are some lyrics from a song dad used to sing:

on the wings of a snow white dove,

I send my pure sweet love,

from skies up above,

on the wings of a dove…


JAM (c)14/12/12

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16 thoughts on “Guess what I finally did…

  1. I get it! Been there with similar opportunities to give or share whats on my heart. I have stopped questioning myself when a voice inside my head tells me to give $5, $10, $20 whether I think I can afford it or not, I just give it now because whenever I do something happens to enlighten me. Its hard to explain.
    I never used to share personal information but now when I feel it is safe to tell a person I don’t know, about my personal journey invariably they can relate and there is an exchange that is profound and touches me at a very deep level. I don’t know if the pain I have experienced the last couple of years has made me more attuned to others pain or made me more intuitive or less inhibited or what but I have had many similar experiences the last 6 months or so. I know I am not expressing myself clearly right now but suffice to say; I get it, I think you will find it happening more and more when you stop doubting that little voice that is telling you to reach out or share of yourself.
    When it happens it is such a rewarding experience it makes you want it to happen again. Its like a connection on a spiral level, a “just knowing”.

    • Yes! A spiral of knowing! You should use that as a quote of yours, it’s so lovely and self explanatory, I could feel it, Carrie :) Thanks so kindly for dropping your thoughts here and once again, confirming my being. You rock xo

  2. Oh, sister; now you’ve got me welling up too…. I ‘get you’…
    Isn’t it wonderful that we’ve ‘had’ people in our lives who have made our lives richer for their presence… That’s how I like to remember them; always a wonderful ‘presence’…

  3. I’m really so pleased that you summoned up the courage to donate to the tree, and that you were so richly rewarded and accepted for doing so. Moments like these make life worth living. Even for those of us with the hardest memories

Love and peace to you... your thoughts are always welcome here...

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