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The Flirtation (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Like so many, much of my youth was filled with notions that appearances mattered so much more than they really did.
I remember at age 13, a cute boy talking to me by our school lockers and I had one zit. My hand flew to it and I could feel my face redden and that was long before I was really aware I have almost no neck.
Many of the women in our family have almost no neck. If we gain so much as an ounce it is the first thing to go. Then we start to look like we have a head sitting on shoulders with no visible connection to one another whatsoever.
Like Mom’s was, we have no gracefully flowing jaw line that sleekly turns in under the chin to give us even the mere illusion of a long neck. Or a short one for that matter.
English: Stamp of Tajikistan. Grace Kelly, 2000 Deutsch: Briefmarke aus Tadschikistan. Grace Kelly, 2000 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
There are pros and cons to all things. Even this.
Let’s face it, if a guy won’t date you because you are neckless, he is a shallow swimmer you wouldn’t want anyway. Same for a guy who can’t see past a zit.
Not trying to make this another women’s issue but hell, why not?
One thing that seems to be rampant among men is their ability to demand what their own mirrors are sorely lacking. By mirrors, I don’t just mean old, wizened, paunchy, plumbers butt men demanding sexy dolly-girl women, they proliferate on dating sites everywhere… “no muffin top” they say, I can “pull” better – while looking like a ginormous Pillsbury Dough Boy themselves all while posing in sleazy, utterly nauseating crack-house resembling bathrooms or bedrooms. Holy Nutbars, but I digress…
What I also mean is people who have otherwise surfed the tide of life without even touching on the simple notion of reality. Until it squares up with them right in the face.
A long time guy friend once, in his mid-late forties himself at the time, said he would only date blonde, sweet, 25 and no kids. Lo and behold. The love of his life for nearly a decade is our age, has kids, is naturally brunette and okay, very, very sweet – she is a lovely woman and one thing we both share is a little extra “softness” in our curves. Another guy said he couldn’t date a woman because of the way she walked. It always stayed with me because I thought, if she had a limp from illness you would discount her, too. Another replied – after three months of coffees, lunches and dinners with me – to my question ‘don’t you even want to kiss me?”: I wouldn’t know if I’m sexually attracted to you until I see you with your clothes off. This is where it pays to be neckless. You realize that you have stuck nothing out, that nothing can be forked into you and you hit the road.
A toilet with the potentially dangerous arrangement of the seat being up (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
There is a grace in being neckless. You are less judgmental of others appearances, more forgiving of obvious physical flaws they have and saved from all those shallow swimmers in the swamp who put a premium on appearance and pay the price of dying old, alone and lonely anyway.
Neckless is just fine with me. And I don’t even care if I have twenty zits anymore.
Residing in reality is a very cool thing I have necklessly stumbled upon.
Besides, my mama was very, very cute right up to her heavenly ascent two years ago.
Being neckless, she never developed any hangdog drooping jowls requiring cosmetic punch ups (which she would never have done had she the money to do so). Nor did her eyes bag out paunchily because her skin was so good and complexion so healthy. Nor did she ever develop a bias against men for their appearance. In fact, she never placed a premium on appearance beyond cleanliness, nor did she place premiums on age, race, sexual orientation or socio-economic status.
A reader of voracious appetites, she regularly consumed books as the rest of us do food. Her self-education was enlightening for all of us who cared to note it.
We all shit the same way she said. Blunt, yes. She could be. This, inherited along with my necklessness are realities I have come to value as I age.
Necklessly stumbling along in this crazy little thing called life.
(c) JAM 5Jan2012
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Once I was told by a religious “man” that I would be beautiful…as long as my face didn’t have the scars that Lupus tends to cause. At first I found offense in this…thoughtless…rude…hateful remark; then reality set in…he must have NO mirrors in his home…lol. So I responded most honestly…if my entire body is scarred by a disease that I did not ask for…it will never compare to the ugly that you carry around with you …all day.
Loving your posts, as always
Rolling off the chair laughing, Jen! I love this! So darn funny. Reminds me of one of my sisters who was told she was fat and she said, “Well, you’re obviously ugly inside and outside and there’s not much you can do about that but I can lose weight.” The things we say when tongues fly free… Glad you enjoyed
Y’know… I am so thankful I’m not into guys!
M
LOL Yeah, me too. Then our writing might resemble the Bloggsie Twins – wait, that’s a good name! Nobody take it, I might use it yet. Bloggsie Twins, copyright (c)Aurora Morealist, 6Jan2012. OH! It’s also epiphany. Hmmmm. And Sunday morning. Goodnight everyone. Thanks for liking my burst of energy, M. See you soon
You didn’t check out http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=neck and http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20091116052458AAR5Y1Cbefore composing this post then?
Noooooo. I prefer a REAL dictionary… ickyness there and I had no notion…LOL Still keeping the title if that tells you anything about my thoughts/meaning, lol
Okay, nerve I got. Some moments. But not as much as I used to. Still. It took some nerve just to write this…didn’t it? Not me, what you dropped here, I mean, lmao!
I just thought you should know.
Hahahahaha… in one ear and out the other eye, I’ll never remember…lol but thanks for trying to educate me… it does work… sometimes lol
AMENDED
You didn’t check out http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=neck and http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20091116052458AAR5Y1C before composing this post then?
Okay, nerve I got. Some moments. But not as much as I used to. Still. It took some nerve just to write this…didn’t it? Not me, what you dropped here, I mean, lmao!
I wrote about this recently, under the perils of seeing yourself while you skyped. I agree, and I certainly do, that we become more frail about your physical appearence. Now however, I really appreciate goodness of heart, and that can be harder to find than a nice neckline
No kidding. Inner gold. Liking yours, thanks for swinging by
Love this one, Aurora. Oh appearances, appearances… How tiresome they can be to maintain.
A long neck is beautiful in those old Hollywood pics, but apart from that, I don’t exactly notice them.
Beauty to me is, yes, something to pause on – wow, beautiful… – but not to be glorified or aspired to others considered lesser for not having it. I’ve said to my son a couple of times, “You can’t help how you’re born, Daniel”, and he sees that now : is true.
Good post, Aurora, zits or not zits
Love the way you reflect on beauty… so wish the whole world followed your heartful view… those glossy mags at the check out feature clone-a-thons daily… glad to be here among those who think deeper… love the way you teach your son, my friend says the same things to her kids… we are who we are
Love the toilet seat analogy
Most online sites for matchmaking make me cringe. It’s like who really is behind that ab tight body that requires such perfection?
Do I need to know?
Thanks, C. So well said!!!