Time spent on dating sites reveals a glimpse of human world underbelly where a woman may juxtaposition nearly bare breasts alongside rants about men who don’t look you in the eye. From my own experience on dating sites of all sorts, paid or not, it all appears to be dark comedy in motion. The best cons in the world can out-con any questionnaire. Dating sites doing more “screening” is still no guarantee the goods will be any good at all. In my opinion.
Anything online should be scrutinized to the core especially where demands and criteria are high and integrity appears to be at an all time low. Some women state: “must be six feet tall or over” while some men demand: “must own home, car, enjoy fine dining and luxury travel (which, of course, you must also pay for and possibly even his).
Are these people really living in the same world I reside in?
Really… I often wonder if an inflatable doll may not be the perfect answer for some men and women out there who don’t seem to grasp that real relationships take time, effort and human beings willing to invest the time and effort to build them in the real world.
Dynamics of relationships cannot be measured online, it is all just online. Only in the real world can it truly be measured where, perhaps, incessant foul breath, gnarly body odor or stinky feet issues can kill it all in one harsh whiff upon meeting.
And we are far from the annoyances of toothpaste caps being left off which usually indicates deeper issues anyway. Without that “real world” connection, we have our hopes, our dreams, our fantasies, our ideas and none of it may, in fact, ever be real or realized beyond what exists only in our minds.
It is pretty sad when Rorschach ink blot tests are administered at a first meet. Yes, this happened to a male friend of mine. He went along with it, thinking she was joking as she’d had a decent sense of humor over the phone. The day after they met she left him this message: “You failed the ink blot test.” Unreal…
Men I rejected outright online were the worst. So much anger it was good to see their brains roll out on the screen in rants at me because I refused to meet them. It confirmed my instincts were right on target. One man I met in a mall and didn’t want to see again sent me the worst emails, it scared me to see him ranting at me though he knew nothing of me, really, he talked so much I couldn’t get a word in edgewise, yet he wrote: “You don’t even have common respect for people!”
Wrong. I just didn’t have any left for him once he revealed his true colors. And that is the truth. But I was kind and courteous in cutting it off where I often just blocked/deleted after a few exchanges. As in the time I got the sweetest letter ever from a scammy man and asked, “Did you really write that letter or copy it from somewhere?” He never answered. Blocked/deleted both his “generic” any-woman’ll-do letter and him as well as reported him to site administrators for suspected scamming.
Are women out there so desperate they will chase a man, married or not, involved or not, to the point that stalking is involved and emergency services must extract woman from the cat door she got stuck in while trying to gain entry to a man’s home… apparently some are. That actually happened to another male friend. Oh. Yes. She. Did.
My overall observation is that dating profiles are rife with lies, lies and more lies. This includes photos from years ago instead of months ago. A dentist I met said he felt pictures within five years were fine. He was wrong. Even a year old is too old on a dating site for a photo. They could have gained a lot of weight in one year, gone totally bald or had an accident or illness that changes their physicality entirely. Personally, I don’t mind someone bald or with a little extra weight on them but I don’t want to have cardiac arrest on meeting someone I can’t even recognize for multiple chin/belly rolls not disclosed in photos. Better to be up front than endure the awkward embarrassment of certain rejection for a huge lie right off the bat..
Another observation is there are a lot of angry people out there who all want something. I wonder when they will realize that what they are seeking never really existed… there is no such thing as a perfect match. There are good matches that two people working together can make great. There are lonely humans everywhere we look. Lonely human beings who won’t even try if their conditions/terms are not met. Criteria, criteria, criteria. Oy.
Since when did human relationships become transactions requiring almost contractual elements to proceed. I want no part of such mentalities. Even as friends, let alone intimates.
Of all the profiles I read I think the following was among the worst, the health clause: must be in great shape and good health. Do not apply if you have: diabetes, heart problems, chronic health issues of any sort. One guy flat out said “I know this sounds shallow but I can’t go out with anyone overweight, even a little.” What is ironic is the humans making all the demands were quite “beneath the bar” by their very own measurement especially where appearance factors were cited. Ginormous men said “thin women” or amazonian women said, “I don’t do fat boys.” Yes, I said women. And men.
Oh, I know dating sites aren’t the only measure of reality. Still, it’s a place where people of all ages and stages of life can be found and observed without traveling further than your computer. Bedroom photos are most unattractive as are bathroom or living rooms that look like messy, cluttered storage lockers. Ditto those women or men posing with opposite sex or drinks in hand. Note, I did not say classy… sometimes a picture is actually worth far more than a thousand words.
Sometimes people have health issues they are unaware of. Sometimes those people are the same ones making such demands. Sometimes those people may die sooner or more suddenly than those they are seeking.
It’s a sad world we live in, a world where fantasy rules as evidenced by the numbers of television channels available with not much worth watching due to the glut of reality shows that are anything but.
A world where appearances are a form of trade so in demand that some people wake up wondering who the stranger is beside them because there is no resemblance to their artificially enhanced persona, all painting a picture of something I never want to be known for: falseness.
I want a “real”man who makes me feel like a “natural woman.”
Actually, I already feel like a natural woman. I just want a genuine man who appreciates a natural woman. I may have found one. Only time will tell. Time, the grandfather clause clock-face of reality revealed with every tiny tick of human behavior.
Where I live, we are allowed to have imperfections. Where I live, we are allowed to be flawed.
Where I live, we are allowed to be human.
Where I live we are allowed to be.
Where I live, we are allowed.
Electronic communication is fine and has come a long way, enhancing much in our real worlds. My inner jury is still out on how it has improved “human relations.” From the falseness of dating sites to political propaganda and cyber-bulling/stalking, I do wonder…
Reality shows and online social waste lands from dating sites to sharing every move we make are – in my opinion- for those with no real life – who else could possibly have all that time to waste…
Even at 70-80 keystrokes a minute, I cannot spend much time on there or I become agitated. I want to be free from the machine. I even have days I resent having to check in everywhere because I am a writer with health problems that limit my reading and writing time. Adjusting to technology but I don’t think I will ever live for it instead of living my life in my real world.
Living aloud and keeping it “real” in the real world. Yet, here I am… online … saying this.
Well, Mordecai Richler did say the world was irony deficient.