Do you grow defensive when loved ones try to raise issues of concern to them and/or about your relationship with them?
Do you toss back unrelated remarks (insults/attacks/potshots) as though communication is some kind of contest you have to win?
If you find yourself doing this, you are not only communicating poorly but, I have learned, really not communicating at all. That is ranting, plain and simple. How do I know this? I used to do these things. Yes, I did. It is said when we learn better we do better. I do try now to:
Stop. (just stop, still myself to the moment)
Look. (look at the other person, what’s at stake and why we need this communication to improve our relationship)
Listen. (hear what the other is saying by repeating it to myself first and acknowledging verbally where they are coming from or at least their right to their own feelings)
Breathe. (sometimes I hold my breath without realizing it and the brain needs oxygen to keep the goodness of communication going)
Speak true. (don’t diminish or negate yourself or the other party in any way, stay true to goodness, fairness and respect for you and other(s))
I try my best now to walk in health, toward that place the soul knows before my logical brain actually catches up, that place where fairness and goodness have such brilliant clarity, there is no room to muddle the communication even for argument’s sake.
Who is argument, anyway, and why should argument’s sake matter more than anyone you love. It doesn’t.
The argument is about love.
It is always about love.
Love is kind, fair, respectful and safe.
Love lets us make mistakes because love knows that’s how we learn to get it right.
The soul knows when the goodness is falling, harm being done to the love because it cannot rest. It seeks distraction, agreeing minds or coalition forming to justify “rightness” of the unfairness where there never was any rightness or fairness.
Love is confident, love knows that it has the goodness power to stand alone. No matter what.
The soul knows when love is good and kind. The soul feels the love going out in a warm wash of emotion that leaves us all feeling honorable in the wake…
When anything but love is fired off, the soul quivers with the loss of goodness that could have been…
Love is a boomerang certain to return, this the soul knows…
Unkind boomerangs poison us apart.
Kindness, Fairness, Goodness is all we ever really have to give.
Love is all we ever really need to live.
Where is your love light tonight?