Average Mental Health?

English: signs and symptoms ptsd

If you see me you won’t think a thing odd about me, I look fairly average as human beings go.

You could never guess I am in PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) since autumn 2011. Shock after shock after shock did it. This one was just too big for me.

Some days I wonder if I ought don a “cast hat” so I won’t wind up stammering or running out of an office or store because I am triggered.

I have help and if you suffer from PTSD or any other mental health disorder, I hope you do, too.

It’s been a darn hard road and a lonely one at that. You would think humans more supportive and tolerant but apparently they can only manage a few weeks of support, on average, before they just don’t want to know about it any more. On average.

Some days are better than others but even the slightest stimulation (noise, lots of movement, traffic, etc) can tip me some days.

The fact that I require lots of rest, lots of quiet and lots of down time does not mean I am a bad person. I am doing the best I can.

 

The thing is, as I said in a piece on this a while back about PTSD, we don’t lose our intelligence, we only lose our coping skills.

Again, there is a great shame/guilt I have come to learn in having an invisible disorder that leaves me longing to carry a cast hat around with me that I might don in answer to anyone who mocks, questions, blames or shames for that which I cannot control any more than they might control physical injury, accident, illness or battery.

Sometimes I say to people, I can’t listen to you talk anymore, I’m sorry, it is hurting my ears. Because it does. On average, I am doing a lot better than rocking the hours away or stuttering so that one word could take the time of uttering an entire paragraph. Friends skittered in all directions. Some came back. Others never will. People fear change and if you mention mental health, many shun you as though you asked for PTSD, asked to change your role in the relationship(s) from helper to the hurt needing the help.

Sometimes even turning the computer on can trigger me, it’s so bright and so many images and I can’t take it for long at any given time. Post scheduling is good for this.

Other times I chastise myself for not participating in life as I once used to. Then, in better moments, I know I am participating best I can in life: my life.

There is no such thing as average mental health. Were we all to experience the trauma others have endured, I daresay our ability to help others heal would be extraordinary. Were the world to look inside the mind of anyone’s pain, for all the similarities we humans have, I believe we are all very, very different when viewed from the inside out.

(c) Aurora Morealist

photo: Wikipedia

 

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12 thoughts on “Average Mental Health?

  1. Two hours ago, as part of tinkering on something I wrote ‘if you could see them’. Then I read this. I can’t image living in the midst of something that feels like a bubble just at the point of bursting or maybe I can but that is what scares people after two weeks of caring -fear of their bubble bursting. Thank you for sharing your shtufffs, bubbles an all.

    • Thank you, I do try. I think a lot can be perception. It is not visible when I type that I struggle or that my eyes hurt or the visuals are so overstimulating they can weary me pretty fast… nor when I stagger as though drunk because I have lost my balance, literally… or when I awaken off and on all night to tend fright, tears or whatever woke me… my shaking when dealing with mattersi n the real world, all of it invisible on here. It’s like having two personas. And maybe, really, we all do. One here and the private real one nobody can see. Gee mybrain went off somewhere now, lol. Cyber hugs back to you and thank you for your encouragement :D

  2. I think that people have a hard time with long term empathy or sympathy. It is. As if IF they stay around too long the problem will rub off on them. But we are all fallible. We need to keep that in mind.

  3. I know the feeling of appearing perfectly healthy, but feeling on the inside that all is not well in Lorna-Land. Only people who have experienced emotional trauma can understand what it is to panic in the midst of what others would define as a perfectly pleasant situation. I like what you said: :…we don’t lose our intelligence, we only lose our coping skills.” So true!

    • It’s a challenge, Lorna, groping for your own thoughts when you knwo they are ain there, you just can’t access them… it’s so hard… had a disocciative episode yesterday at court… it is reallyfreaky, you wake up like you have been asleep and are so disoriented, your brain bangs and then you are trying to make sense of what the victim support worker is saying but her words all sound like gibberish in your ears and she,thankfully, understand thsi and keeps repeating herself or saying something else until you do grasp it… she knew I couldn’t hear in court and told me what happened when we came out. I saw people and the court room but soemthing happens and I can’t hear anything, I just keep looking at her for help to guide me what to do next… Thank God I have help, I would never survive without all the kind loving hearts supporting me through this hellishness.

Love and peace to you... your thoughts are always welcome here...

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