Triggers: Trigger Warning

Sorrow

Drunk hands on throat

Shaking head against the wall

Yelling, yelling, always angry, yelling

It’s your fault I do the things I do

Look what I’m fucking married to!

I wish you were fucking dead

Just die, fucking die, die bitch!

I wish you had cancer and died

I wish you died on the operating table

I wish the plane crashed with you in it

You useless wormy old rat bag whore

You are useless just like the rest of your useless family

No more use for them either now they are adults who see through the lies

Head under water

Crying crying crying always crying

No air, can’t breathe, dying, dying, gasping for air

up, Up, UP!!!

I am alive!

FREE

Breathing

FREE

Water droplets on face

Relief tears

Alone with my life

Nearly two years

FREE

Two pairs of hands on throat

Choking air out of me

Head under water

No air

FREEDOM

Just another word for no one left

To use

Glimmer of hope

Erased

Evil lies driving evil loves

Dying, dying, gasping for air…

Water on face

Tears of anguish and sorrow

Freedom a dream

The nightmare begins again

Thank you

Best Friend.

(c) Aurora Morealist

(photo: Wikipedia)

14 thoughts on “Triggers: Trigger Warning

    • Aw, thanks, Stephanie, it’s not nice to read, I know but it is the truth. He is with my best friend and the whole thing is founded on lies they tell themselves and believe. His abuse of minor(s) (we don’t know how many there were/are yet and may never because some do not want to tell ever) is completely overlooked that they can carry on as if they are doing nothing wrong or evil. Karma is a boomerang they should be aware of but I am the one with PTSD able only to write a bit and try to breathe while we go through this ugly process they brought on when I thought I was actually, finally free…

      • Well, this piece was amazing and well-written. I know when I write about pain in my life, it’s cathartic. Hopefully it’s helping you overcome your own pain and, however slowly, helping you to move forward.

        Fiction or truth … write them both, Aurora :-)

      • Thanks, Dave, I will! :) Was at court yesterday and am so wiped out, I am having trouble typing but couldn’t get the harsh cruelties of the truth out of my head. I think it does help me to write it out. Especiallyl with PTSD, I can see how I got it and how I may never be rid of it because he had the better years of my life, still 35 years married this year – left in year 32 – have to go the food bank now but I’d still rather be me here than him and her there… one breath at a time, one moment at a time, I go.

    • Elyse, I thank you for you eye and hugs. Both are much appreciated. Doing the best i can soul sister which, some may think, not worth doing at all. And maybe it isn’t. But it’s all I got… For now… <3 Hugs back <3 <3

  1. Aurora – I am so impressed with your strength. I commend your for being able to leave something so destructive after 32 years. For what it’s worth, my wife was finally able to leave a similar situation after 20 years (we got together afterwards), and I’m always amazed at the strength it took her to pull away. Despite the cost involved she (and you) pulled yourself from what you knew was bad and, though the consequences were high, left for something you knew must be better. Never give up, Aurora … you’ll overcome and you will, eventually, be where you’ve always wanted to be and where you deserved to be. Just takes a little time. Prayers for you as you continue you through this difficult period of your life.

    • This is one of the most empowering messages I have ever received in my life. Thank you for your understanding. Getting there little by little and now I can see clearly why you appreciate my position at this time so well. Kudos to your wife for breaking free and finding you. And to you for finding her. Much love and hugs both <3

  2. Wow,… the anger, the pain, the suffering certainly does come through in your writing… ugly truths pound the page (or screen) want to say beautifully written, but not sure if that is the right thing to say for the obvious mental anguish expounded in the poem…

    • Thank you for getting the feeling… despondent many days but try to do better… PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) really sucks… writing is all I have that no one can take from me… it got me through but every time I am triggered as in court on Monday, it shows… this is nothing compared to how i live, the hypervigilance, so many shocks, so many losses back to back, my psyche fractured… writing was and is my only anchor in life. Glad for your comments.

    • Thank you for the love and wisdom, Izzy. Mostlly I am feeling like events of the PRESENT trigger me so I will never stop drowning of sorrow and long for teh sleep fo the deep. I know it’s not right but when you think you are finally in a good place only to be triggered by things unrelated to the past in any way, again and again and again, you just grow weary.

Love and peace to you... your thoughts are always welcome here...

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