Many are finding a new addiction sweeping the world: electronic gadgets. Many are also finding these gadgets creating an absence with an undeniable rudeness in their real world relationships. This letter is the result of observing same personally, repeatedly and on an alarming increase especially in the youth or addictive personalities among us:
Dear Sweet, Kind Male Friend:
You asked me to keep this confidential but I cannot. I won’t use names but here’s what I think:
If your girlfriend will not stop taking her phone to bed with the two of you, there is clearly something on that phone she is doing worth more to her than your real life presence is.
If you have asked your girlfriend about this strange behavior and all she does is grow defensive, says she is not “doing anything wrong” she is clearly not willing to part with her gadgets to purely be with you. I get it’s not that she’s on it, it is what can possibly be so important 24/7 as any good psychologist would say you have a right to know.
If your girlfriend insists on using her phone in your presence, that is just downright rude unless it is for brief, urgent matters as you do with her out of respect for her real world presence in your life. Ditto if she does not tell you who called/calls as I do my boyfriend.
If your girlfriend keeps “hiding” what she is doing on the computer or turning the computer or phone screen “just so” that you may not see it, she is clearly doing something she does not want you to see. Apart from being extremely rude, that is a total trust issue. How can you build trust with someone who thinks sneaky behavior is even almost okay – you cannot. If the screen changes every time you walk into the room…
If your girlfriend will not invite you to be her friend on all social sites available, she is clearly hiding something. Ditto if she joins singles groups without even telling you. (happened to me and I was so embarrassed for myself in front of all the online world of friends, family, writers and for b/f who was added IN the group – making it look like I did not even exist – ouch). There is no other reason for your girlfriend to NOT add you online especially given her own obvious and constant need to be online. It is not because she seldom uses her gadgets is what you clearly know already because her behavior told you so over and over and over already.
When texting one another if it appears your girlfriend is sending huge letters/messages because you can see that happening right on the text screen where it shows she is still typing madly, yet you receive nothing at all, well… that is just not right. Douche bag is what my b/f would say of her, he would say she is showing you she is not a good person.
No girlfriend (or boyfriend) should ever become upset at wanting to be “on the table with you about everything.” If you cannot speak to her about it because she blows up defensively to shut you down, you are not speaking to someone with healthy communication skills, someone who obviously has something to hide or it would be as simple as stopping doing those things around you. If only out of common courtesy.
The biggest problem I think you will have with re-establishing trust even if she does STOP all blatantly questionable behaviors in your presence is, what was it that compelled her to believe this was even almost alright relationship behavior and the already proven fact she has illustrated to you over this past year that you will never know if this rude, addictive and unkind behavior continues in your absence. Even if she stops doing all of this in your presence.
I wish you well with this but I have been thinking long and hard on the matter as I’ve never heard of such a thing before in my life. My ex was addicted to the computer but NEVER carried his gadgets to bed, they were not running 24/7 nor did he wake me in our bed with them, tapping out messages to “someone(s) deathly important” as your girlfriend does nightly. This is very disturbing behavior to disturb another’s sleep over it and to criticize your own need for sleep is just plain mean and unfair.
Why not tell her your bedroom has to be a gadget free zone? That’s perfectly fair and what I would do. I would also continue to try talk to her and probably end it if she would not, rather CHOSE not to show respect for me.
I hope your girlfriend “gets it” – realizes how unseemly this “slippery” behavior is, how rude she is to not just you but others in your company, most unattractive – before she loses the best guy that ever happened to her:
This is not even close to funny and my heart hurts for you and your dilemma. Usually I have better answers, happier answers for people.
But this one stumps me. I have no words for such a rude indignant’s stance over such immature and unnecessary choices since we already all know your girlfriend is no on-call brain surgeon.
And even if she was, there would truly be NOTHING TO HIDE.
Much love always. <3 <3 <3
Alast Alast insistence reigns down
Alast dividing minds and renting hearts sore
Unworthy might A last word
(c) 31Dec2011 JAM