Went Wednesday

(c) copyright auroramorealistWell, it’s only Wednesday, I said to my friend, so there is still time.

No, it’s Thursday, she said gently.

I laughed, a little giggle because in the nearly 30 years we’ve known one another (we met when I was approving daycares decades ago and she still works for the school district), we have never argued about anything at all. Differences, yes, shared opinions, yes, but no out and out arguing.

It’s Wednesday. I know it’s Wednesday because I have only had two sleeps since Sunday. Look, I said, as I got up to fetch a calendar and then said, oh my phone shows the date, where is it.

It’s Thursday, Janice, she said, really it is.

Yes. It was. My phone said so.

Last Thursday this was an exchange with my friend. I still lose entire days, minutes, hours. I still need lots of notice to do anything, at least two weeks is best.

Recovery from PTSD is slow, long, arduous and that is only if I truly do get there. I’ve already made peace with the fact this may be as good as it gets.

Is it any wonder my brain is so challenged.

Each day I awaken, I never know what I am awakening to.

I might be able to do something that day.

Or maybe I will only be able to clutch my bed due to dizziness that compels me to stay still.

Or maybe I can get up but not venture out past the safety of my door.

Or maybe I can push myself to go to a two hour class in Anxiety Management after which it will take me two quiet days or more to recover.

Or maybe I will only be able to type a little something here.

Then back to self care, self soothing and calm, quiet, peacefulness of recovering from the nightmares that so rudely clawed me awake.

On the days I awaken peacefully, I am weepy with gratitude that it’s not a “terror start” to the day. I wish I knew when the better days would be but I never do. I never know what the day will be like until I awaken.

This is how “Went Wednesday” originated, the result of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in my world the day Earth, as I knew it, began to abruptly tilt.

Still, you can eat or drink whatever  you please on Went Wednesday. So long as you take good care of yourself and remember to be kind to others.

You never know what invisible wars are bearing down on their psyche.