WALKING ON EGGSHELLS

http://myinnerchick.com/help-for-domestic-violence/

The above blog is a very heart wrenching read in many ways because it belongs to a sister of a victim murdered by her own husband.

I’m one of the lucky ones. I got out. Kim’s sister did not. On her own grieving and healing journey, Kim offers her honesty in her posts and lists many domestic violence/abuse resources on her pages.

But it is a long road to healing from mental and emotional abuse and violence. I know. I’ve been on mine for the past couple of decades and still am on it.

For today, I’ll share a couple of books I have found helpful and hopefully will be able to add more to the list as I go. I know I say in my profile that writing is the hardest work I have ever done. But that is not quite true. This, breaking out of the emotional chains and patterns of abusers, is by far the hardest work I have ever done. Here are a couple of books I have on loan and find helpful because they are not overwhelming me but then, I can only read a half page of anything write now anyway.

When Love Hurts

Front Cover

http://books.google.ca/books/about/When_Love_Hurts.html?id=qBFdlUnxmkkC&redir_esc=y

IT’S NOT OKAY ANYMORE

Front Cover
New Harbinger Publications, 1997 - Family & Relationships - 93 pages
“A wonderful handbook to gently yet firmly help victims of domestic violence climb out of their situation”. — Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence
– Offers a step-by-step path out of abuse and into life-management and self-care
Domestic violence is a massive problem involving millions of individuals every year, from every class, gender, faith, and race. Caught in a downward spiral, many people believe that they cause or deserve the abuse, hesitate to tell others, and usually wait too long before getting help or deciding to leave.
It’s Not Okay Anymore provides readers with a personalized action plan for getting out of an abusive situation and into a safe one. A gentle, supportive tone accompanies a well-outlined series of steps to take. Checkpoints at the end of each step and inspiring real-life stories with photos can keep readers on the path to safety and well-being. Augmented by valuable coaching in empowerment and self-esteem, the guide includes “Get Safe” plans and worksheets to help readers set goals for themselves.
Divided into three parts, the first section helps readers learn how to identify abuse and understand how the cycle of abuse functions in their relationship. The second section guides the reader toward personal responsibility and taking charge with a step-by-step path out of abuse and into self-management. The third part focuses on self-nurturing, the role of boundaries, and the qualities of a healthy relationship. Simple, firm, sensible advice makes this book a powerful catalyst toward recovery.”
~
My home bookshelves have titles covering everything from Men are From Mars Women are from Venus, Co-Dependent No More, Emotional Blackmail, The Verbally Abusive Husband, Dance of Anger, Dance of Intimacy, Family Ties that Bind, Adult Children, etc etc etc and I may share more on those later but these are volumes I purchased over the years, starting in the early nineties. Yes. That is how long it takes some of us to get out.
 
Another book I have not yet read but was recommended by a friend who has survived mental and emotional abuse herself is:
Stop Walking on Eggshells 
books.google.caPaul MasonRandi Kreger - 2010 – 288 pages - Preview

Discusses the signs and symptoms of borderline personality disorder and explains how the families and friends of patients can cope with BPD behavior while taking care of themselves.
 I have not yet read this book myself but that’s it for me for today. I’m tapped. Hope something helps you or someone you know. 
 
Much love xo

Writing in Vancouver

English: A view from Burrard Bridge to English...

I know, I know. I’ve said before how beautiful the Vancouver region is and I’ll probably never stop saying it.  Rather than repeat myself to your possible annoyance, let me just say what a friend who recently returned from a cruise to the Bahamas had to say.

“Everyone on the ship was saying every day, look at that view! Look at all that water! All I wanted to say to them was it’s great but I see it every day. It just needs a mountain in the back of it. Don’t get me wrong, it was beautiful but all they have is palm trees. All I could think was how beautiful it is in Vancouver.”

My world traveled friend confirmed again for me that I am so fortunate to be a resident and writer in the Vancouver region. We truly do have the best of both worlds.

While many complain of the rain, I’ll take a page from something Tom Robbins once said of writing in the rain being romantic. It is. And then some.

The rain simply does not bother me at all. In fact, when too many concurrently sunny days occur, I long for the rain to keep me cozy under shelter or inside with a window, anywhere I can write to the sound of the rain on the roof.

While there is an abundance of natural inspiration and resources many overlook in the daily shuffle to and fro, there are also a number of terrific writing resources in the Vancouver area. I’ll list just a few for now and perhaps add more, if interest warrants, at a later date.

Having attended the SIWC a few times, had the good fortune of being a member of writing groups with the founder of the annual conference and actually placed both Honourable Mention one year and First the next for fiction and non-fiction, I know first hand the value of the wonderful workshops and information. Not to mention all the writing/writer connections I made and still maintain.

Happy writing, happy reading, happy doing whatever you do, wherever you are.

Shining from Vancouver,

Aurora

Here are a few links to peruse, feel free to add any writing resource links you think valuable to others:

http://www.siwc.ca/

http://www.writersfest.bc.ca/

http://www.bcwriters.ca/

http://www.vpl.ca/branches/

http://www.fvrl.bc.ca/learn/sitemap.htm

I BELIEVE EVERYTHING PEOPLE SAY, DON’T YOU?

A triangular graphic representing a "hier...

Image via Wikipedia

I pretty much believe everything people say, don’t you? LOL But then I’m just genuine enough to think that every single humans is as well-intentioned as I am.

Believing everything you read or hear reminds me of a friend’s disagreement with his daughter about her sources for her grade twelve school project.

But, Dad!” she said, “It was on the internet!”

He informed her that just because something is on the internet doesn’t mean it’s true. You have to know the sources so you can see that someone isn’t merely fabricating information.

Unlike his daughter, I am very good about checking my sources and being a reasonably sound source of information for others. I actually enjoy research because it is such an educational process. My personal and professional reputation is stellar, if I do say so myself and continue to be. But I do not suffer fools gladly nor do I suffer users or abusers gladly. Or quietly.

My mom always said I should be a lawyer because I could make valid points no one else could make. Even when I was a kid. I think I was starting to “write the wrongs” in the world in my head even then.

The worst thing anyone who is trying to get away with something nasty could do is try to shut me up. I think they’d pretty much have to kill me. Terrible thought, I know. But even in primary school, I spoke out on behalf of the underdog and I still do. I like to try to resolve conflict. Eyeball to eyeball, if people are big enough to do that. Often they prove incapable of that or any other honest, open communication.

In class today we were discussing a man who had used a reference that kept failing in landing him anything beyond the interview. It was suggested that a “plant” call the reference giver posing as a reference seeker. So his sister did just that.

Turns out the sod was telling people, you shouldn’t hire this guy, I wouldn’t hire him if he was the last guy in town, I’m glad to be rid of him, etc. Yet, to the man’s face, he had said he would be glad to give him a good reference. People. You can’t always trust what they say to your face. Or on the internet.

Know your sources. And if you don’t know them, get to know them. It’s always good to be able to support your work or claim with evidence and I’m never shy on that. If I say something, you can rest assured, I can not only back it up but probably shock you with even more factual information, dated, timed notes and/or photographs than you bargained for. Because if I don’t know anything for absolute certain, I find out. I don’t just say things idly to anyone.

Here or on the great old internet. Now, in my creative writing, that’s a different story. If you want to know if something I’ve written as a “story” is true, just ask. I don’t mind telling anyone what parts of my life are true or “story.” Stories constantly fly into my head and sometimes I manage to write them, other times I don’t. But I can’t stop writing. After all, I am a writer. A writer who has nothing to hide.

If I do, I don’t know what it is and it’s already way to late to worry about it. Mom always said you worry less as you grow older. That one is true for sure, there is just so much less to bother worrying about. So don’t worry about the information you find on the internet so much as the actual source. Ask questions.

Who is listed as the source or resource?

Are they credible?

Do they already have a good reputation for being a sound source of information?

Or is the source completely unknown? 

If they are a complete unknown, email and ask where they sourced the data from or how they can support their statements?

Even in chatting with strangers on the internet, the fact is you don’t even know if they really are who they say they are or whether their photos are really even of them. Only time will reveal the truth there.

But good research matters if you are turning in papers or sharing untrue information without even realizing it. I find cross referencing or asking sources directly for clarification is always a good policy that proves out the information. Or disproves it, as the case may be. This strategy is also invaluable in resolving conflict as well… but that’s another topic for another day…

Off to the park for a quick jog. Maybe it will jog my mind about why I started writing this piece in the first place, lol.