Dedicated to: YOU know who YOU ARE and you KNOW better than anyone else what YOU both did. You are welcome.
1. Abandon your inner critic. Seriously. Whenever you post, be certain to offend even the rudest person possible. You’ll get more comments that way, rather criticism. But look at it this way: your site stats will soar, spin doctors say any PR is good PR. Then just agree with the critics. Or open a conversation that involves others to incite even more responses and thereby, traffic. I find those who make positive comments about your posts always far outnumber the critics. Besides, it’s our blog and we can say what we want to.
2. Abandon your good nature. Okay. Maybe. If anyone is very offensive or calls you names, simply report and delete the comment. You don’t even have to publish it. But post with abandon, as if you are writing for your life, as I am, and chances are, you will rarely receive any negative remarks. I did get some last year from family but I just didn’t publish them. Turns out they had it all wrong anyway (their assumptions). However, it can pay dividends to post any negative remarks to a) see if it causes you to think, question and discuss something in a new way b) see if it revs anybody else up because then you’ll really see who “has your back on here.”
3. Abandon talking about a topic or specific theme. Instead, ask questions, questions, questions. Random questions. Even if it’s “how old did you say you were?” Could be you will wind up learning a thing or two about the human response or just have a playful exchange. At the very least, the exchange or answers to your questions will inspire a whole other blog post.
4. Abandon eloquent vocabulary. Most of us don’t understand anything much beyond five syllables and race to Google it in another window so we can comprehend what is being said. Use curse words if you want to. Everyone knows what they are and nobody has to read them if they don’t want to. It’s not like we are sitting in public with a person saying F every second word. No one will even know you read posts with F words in them. Unless you tell them. I don’t.
5. Abandon Manners. Don’t worry. Why bother. It’s just a machine. Isn’t it? No civility necessary. Ooooops. Say please. Even though computers seem to have desensitized the manners of the masses and no one says please, thank you or you’re welcome as often as they used to, you’ll still be glad you used your manners. Okay, maybe you won’t be. But I always am. Unless somebody really pisses me off. Then I turn into my niece who, when they pre-empted her children’s show for ‘royal’ business several days in a row, said, “If they keep on doing that, I’m just not gonna’ care any more.” She was seven or eight. I know, I know, I’m not seven or eight but the move works. Pretty darn well.
6. Abandon humor, discussion or informative posts. Preach. Preach. Preach. Whatever it is you have to say preach it at people. They love it. NOT. Nobody likes to feel like they’ve just been lectured and told to sit on their hands for an hour. But it sure gets a good reaction. And you may even gain a follower or two from it all.
7. Abandon pictures. Wait. They are really good to spice up the content. Especially if you are exhausted a lot like I am these days and can’t think for yourself like I can’t. Pictures have their purpose. But if you let them be the focus then it’s really a pictorial not a tutorial or entertaining reading. Still, if you don’t want to disappoint your followers but are having a hard time drumming up a post, just find a picture that says something you can’t because you would be sued for it. Works for me.
8. Abandon that angel on one shoulder and devil on the other. Just let your mind flow out so we can really feel who you are and connect as if we were sitting in a room talking with you. Okay, I admit, I do not know how to do this. I was “jest” saying… because when I read a post and “feel” something, whatever I feel does not matter so much as the fact that the post “engaged” me.
9. Abandon worry about repetition. We are all prone to it. Vogler said there are only 10 original plots. I think he was right. Certain songs sound like others but aren’t. Certain literary works read like others but are not. And certain posts read so comfortably you could swear you read or wrote it yourself somewhere. But you likely didn’t. I hope.
10. Abandoning followers is a no go. Without them, we would not be here. With them, we spend every spare minute trying to find them all and keep up with their writings, sucking up every spare minute we thought we might have to write. But trust me, they are all worth it. I might not be like my followers nor they me but perhaps that’s what attracts us. Differences are a good thing, a blog thing we can all appreciate together.
11. I know I said 10. But then there’s that insurance pause. I mean clause: Abandon this post immediately, please, or your eyes may both cross right over your nose to each other never to return again. Because it was all written in a quick, light hearted moment of thinking about blogging, bloggers and why we all blog. I’ve read so many rules on blogging, I think I just became overwhelmed and wanted to rebel. If I did a good job, please follow me. If I failed, tell me so, I just may agree with you or ask you how old you are.
Just sharing some dating experiences. You might call this instalment two. But I’m sure there will be a third… or more… (smiles)… keep watching. And add your comments or stories if you have any, always glad to know I do not row this sea alone :) For now, I offer my online dating vocabulary along with the reason why I developed it.
Dating has changed so much in the decades since I was last living single that it’s almost hard to fathom. Well, for me it is, anyway. After 32 years of marriage, I was a 19-year-old all over again, thrust into a world of “altered dates” the like of which I have never encountered before and hope never to again. I resisted online dating as long as possible. Just didn’t think it could work. And really, so far, that is true. Even though it appears to have worked very well for two of my sisters.
For me, it has resulted in a couple of very beautiful friendships, guy friends I can hang with, see a show, a concert, go dancing and nothing more and I’m good with that. It has also resulted in several stories and a vocabulary that was as unexpected as the experiences endured to create it. The following vocabulary just naturally evolved as I could find no suitable word in existence for some of the strange, frustratingly repetitive and silly situations I, and I’m sure many others have found themselves in.
This includes male friends in the online dating scene, who have their own horror stories of finding themselves involved in crazy and even scary situations with married (of course she lied on her profile, don’t they all, sigh) and stalker women they met through online dating sites. Mostly it was idiotic conversations like the sample below that fueled the vocabulary development:
All this and much more led to developing a silly vocabulary which my friends and I think quite funny but I’m sure not everyone will. Nor do I expect them to as I don’t appreciate everyone’s humour either. Just the way free speech and our world are.
Otherwise, stand-up comedians would all be banned. I make no claim to be a comedian only that I believer we all have a unique voice. Just expressing the part of mine that is connected to my somewhat sarcastic funny bone.
Here’s the vocabulary:
ASSUMENSION: A special dimension for assuming online dater(s). Describes a condition wherein logic does not prevail yet assumptions are soundly pounded out on keyboards to the Evernet for all the world to see. Same presiding principle as mouth opens and brain rolls out on tongue.
ASSOMINION: Assuming person who expresses their unsolicited opinion.(Includes sending advice disguised as gifts re: “you’d do better without vocabulary.” Not true. Since vocabulary was posted contacts are more serious, intelligent. Mostly.) See Assumension for orbit of origin.
BACHELSPORE: Life-long bachelor/ette so fated by their very own thoughtless speech & highly questionable video/pictorial behaviour, all of which leaves one with an overwhelming desire to yank out the bleach to disinfect everything in sight as with mould or other fast multiplying fungi.
CRITIBULL: People who bullheadedly criticize your person, profile or pictures but fail to see that they have such sorry profiles and pictures they ought not be pointing AT ALL but simply noting the three fingers pointing right back at them.
DISOPEEPS: Disposable online people. Eg: If the novelty wears off or a person doesn’t do or say what you like or agree with, you may simply dispose of them and replace them with another. POOF.
DRAMACHING: Man who makes big production of buying you coffee, lunch or whatever. Right in his profile. Yes. Right in his profile. The visual is of tiny pecking birds cheeping, cheeping, cheeping.
EMANSULTATION: Email from man you do not know at all who takes it upon himself to insult you, call you names or make insinuations without any factual evidence or actual knowledge of your character whatsoever.
ESEXTORICAL: No matter where you try to lift the online conversation, the person continually brings it back to sex. Why bug regular folks when so many other online sites exist just for that? Oh wait, maybe they can’t read…well, LEARN and leave the rest of us alone.
KINFAMATION: One who speaks to you like you are kin or a familiar. Uses terms like sweetie, hun, baby, darling, sexy. Obviously any name would do so doesn’t even ask yours or cannot remember it after doing so. Symptomatic of serial daters, players who can’t afford to mix names up.
LAZYMANCER: Claims doesn’t know what to do anymore to romance a woman, does nothing and wonders why women find him not only unattractive but are repelled by his obvious lack of common courtesies.
MARLIONS: Married man or woman who tell on themselves via shady behaviour, daily contact or calling patterns/times, excuses re: bad or no pic, etc Unhappily married people? This is just plain nasty.
QUESSAFAIL: This person fails to ask any questions. Ever. Okay, perhaps one. But it is usually one just asked of them by you. No other expression of interest in you whatsoever. But tons of non-stop talking from him. About him. And his work. And his life. And his… and him… and his… Fail. Delete.
SPECALOO: A looky-loo who speculates that no matter what delicacy they have so fortuitously happened upon, there is always “something better” just around the corner. aka: Peter Pan UGH
SURKER: Silent lurker whose face always appears above your profile yet they utter nary a word. Here’s one: ICK. Is that a word? Well it is now, thanks to Surkers.
VOCAFENDER: One who vocally attempts defense of the poorly behaving by providing a penetrating glance into the obvious:”there are a lot of morons everywhere.” They are under the impression that we are just going to have to get used to it. NO. We are not. That’s what block/delete is for.
WORDGITATOR: One who regurgitates the English language, agitating the rest of us by substituting words they feel will suffice for actual words. Eg: enjoy fine “dinning,” searching for my “solemate,” love walks in the “forrest,” or the sky is the “limmit.” Or those special, difficult to type long openers: “hi sexi how ru 2nite.” I don’t know about you but those impress me so much I am left so speechless I accidentally hit the block/delete key every time. On the plus side, it proves they passed first grade. Maybe.
YELLERBACKAS: The first time they message you their ego goes into overdrive, apparently thinking if I can get this, I can do better! When they can’t, they look you up again. Second yell back their work is really cut out for them IF there is any hope of more than being ignored, that is.
ZEDLINER: Person who initiates contact and goes from A to Z in a single rude word or forward sentence, instantly destroying all possibility of any further connection with intended party.
EVOLVING ONLINE DATING EXPERIENCE VOCABULARY (C) Copyright March 8 2011
Update March 12, 2012 (c) JAM