Justice reached. Book written. Movie blockbuster.
For the past couple of years, I have been fighting PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Sometimes I claw myself out of nightmares to bleeding shoulders and blood captured in my fingernails. Such is the psyche when emotionally raped and mentally violated. Not to mention the physical violence visited upon me by people who claimed to “care” about me, even love me. As I told a former bestie that life turning night, in the second year of being single after leaving my three decades marriage, “I would rather die than do what you have done to me.”
You know when you are leaving your marriage that it’s time, you are well settled with your choice. But when a friend betrays you in the most deviant way as all you confided in her is not only betrayed but abused… well… who among us is prepared for that. I was not. Only yesterday morning I awakened to find myself on the sofa with all the lights in my apartment burning brightly. It was likely another nightmare…
Sooner or later, one way or another, my nightmare will come to a close. Once that happens, I hope to continue my healing journey with writing as my life line as writing has been and is all I have really had to hold onto. No family local and friends falling away one by droves as they join the ranks of the duplicitous, deceitful and diabolical minds who reigned havoc on mine like never before. Many nights I have spent alone, weekends by the dozens in my safe little apartment where no one can hurt me or abuse my trust and loyalty ever again. Loving makes us vulnerable and I feel as a naive child newly learning how to form trusting bonds with others who may or may not prove safe for me. What if they put themselves first as my friend and think nothing of tossing me to the wolves of their deceit… it’s challenging and wearying at once.
Some days I look at what happened to me and I cannot believe it. Some days I cannot believe I am still here. Some days I am so certain when I am well enough that my book will go world wide into movie blockbuster orbit, I hold that dream out before myself, that something good will come of all of this physical and emotional torture for me.
This is my future.
I can’t speak to you of what happened in the past. The details are so disturbing that writing them right now will trigger me terribly again. Instead I will hold fastly to my anchor of writing and look toward the day that this true life story is no long roiling inside me because justice was reached and it is merely a memory that feels so far away some days I will ask myself, “Did this really happen to me?”
This is my future.
(prompt and expanson on six word story inspired by above link)
- Ptsd (journeyofmagic.wordpress.com)
- PTSD from Emotional Abuse (lexalayne.wordpress.com)
- Local veteran speaks out about PTSD (cinewsnow.com)
- A Veteran With Depression and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (everydayhealth.com)
- Invisible Wound: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (aboutanxietysite.com)
- Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder affects 800,000 Australians, new research suggests (abc.net.au)